Tackling racism in current events: navigating complex conversations with your child
Jan 27, 2021
Written by Jessamy Karras
Edited by Jessica Hesse
Many of us are now aware of and most likely still digesting the attack on the Capitol, which happened on January 6th. News stations and social media were buzzing about it; a quick Google search is met with photographs and videos of rioters pilfering the Capitol building, climbing the walls, breaking through barricades, and engaging in other violent actions. It was an extremely disturbing incident that is unfortunately indicative of the larger, systemic issues that have been pervasive in every element of American society since its inception - namely, racism and unchecked white supremacy.
While Joe Biden, the new Democrat POTUS, has been sworn into office, there is still so much work that needs to be done in terms of combating institutional racism. One of the ways we work to combat our own biases as educators and administrators at AMS is through anti-bias, anti-racist work - workshops, professional development, and research all contribute to our ongoing learning.
Although we may not realize it, children have a keen sense of awareness and curiosity for current events, especially when they are in their second plane of development, ages 6 - 12 years old. During the second plane of development, Dr. Montessori believed that Elementary children have a strong sense of justice and fairness, being able to think abstractly and connect details to the whole. Children on this plane of development are trying to find their place in the world, learning how to build community and function harmoniously within it. It is the perfect storm of developmental milestones to begin to dig deeper into anti-racist, anti-bias work. Having honest conversations about the political and social climate present in the United States today and the ways in which oppression of marginalized groups is reinforced in our society, using concrete events as a talking point, is a great way to introduce this kind of work.
That begs the question, though - how do we discuss with children the vast complications surrounding current events happening in the world today that are rooted in racism - not just the attack on the Capitol, but other publicized acts of violence against marginalized groups as well, such as instances of police brutality, attacks on places of worship, racial profilings, and more. How do we answer their questions when we are still figuring out our own personal experience with what is going on?
Here are a few tips to guide you in navigating these kinds of conversations, whether you are just opening up to ABAR work or have been having intentional conversations with your children around social justice regularly.
- It is important to openly address that a really scary incident took place. As an adult, you are welcome to share your own personal feelings of fear, sadness, etc.
- Make sure your child knows and feels that they are in a safe, non-judgemental space to have an open discussion about their thoughts and feelings.
- Let them share their experience with what happened from their point of view before offering an explanation. This way, your child is able to fully discuss their perception of the situation.
- After discussing what happened and presenting the facts of the situation in a developmentally appropriate way, it is necessary to ask your child, “How are you feeling now? Why do you feel that way?” It is important to continue listening to and reiterating their feelings back to them to make sure both you and them understand how they feel. For example, “I hear you saying you are feeling scared about the incident, is that right?” to clarify how they are feeling.
- Once you have found the language they prefer to describe their feelings with, whether they are feeling sad, confused, or angry, we can remind them these feelings are important to address and be open about. You can guide your child in processing these feelings by saying something along the lines of, “When events like this happen it is natural to feel how you are feeling. It can be hard to understand why these incidents took place, but talking about and sharing how we feel can help us all feel better.”
- When having an open discussion about current events, it is important to also express that each person has their own place in creating change for the future. In order to fight this oppressive system, we must continue to try and understand how we can fight for change.
- Make sure that the discussion is open about race issues that contribute to the situation. Explain to your child that there is a history of Black people, Indigenous People, People of Color, LGBT folks, and women being treated unfairly in our country. It might be helpful to have a book to read on hand that puts these topics into perspective for children. Learning about how to talk about race can feel overwhelming, but the best way to work for change is to acknowledge social inequities and show our children that marginalized individuals need support and allies are a necessary part of the fight for justice.
- Offer children language to help them understand and challenge the system they will grow up in. Encourage them to ask questions and if you don’t know the answer, tell them that you don’t and get back to them with a better answer when you can.
For example, “Our country has a history of treating people unfairly because of the color of their skin, or their gender identity, or just because they seem different. Our job is to learn as much as we can about being anti-racist and anti-bias so that we can help change how people are treated and support each other.” We may feel like using big words will be overwhelming for our children, but the sooner they understand particular terms the sooner they will be able to participate in larger conversations.
Terms like white allyship, structural racism, and white privilege are not terms to start the conversation off with, but the goal is to eventually be able to discuss these terms openly and have a strong understanding of them so that they can use an inclusive lens to view the world.
Many families may avoid the topic of systemic oppression because it feels uncomfortable to talk about, or they haven’t had enough practice or exposure to such conversation. Moving forward, it’s important to take the leap, even if it feels difficult. Engaging in dialogue around social justice issues helps teach children to understand that even if they themselves do not share a marginalized identity, they have the power to protect and fight for others. We have the opportunity to teach our children that they are a key part of the change we need for the future. Below are additional resources that provide more detailed information about how to have these difficult discussions with the children in our lives.
For further reading on antiracism/anti bias:
Courageous conversations about race - Glenn E. Singleton
This Book Is Anti-Racist by Tiffany Jewell
EmbraceRace free ABAR parenting webinars
Teaching About Police Brutality- Educators4SocialChange
How To Talk To Kids About Racism
Black Lives Matter: 25+ Resources for Your Conversations on Police Violence