The Challenge of Relentless Kindness
Jan 08, 2020
Dear Friends and Families:
Aida (6), Carolina (4), and I have been listening to Charlotte’s Web on audiobook for a week or two. I remember as a child adoring this book. I remember wondering about whether or not animals actually talk to each other. Now, as I re-experience this book as a grown-up, I am in awe of E.B. White’s writing, and I wonder, do my children truly hear and understand the lessons of this incredible work?
No matter what I read or media I consume, most of what I think about comes back to our sweet school. How can I continue to work to build a school that feels good to be part of as a student, as a parent, as an alum, and as a staff member? How can we continue to make a real difference in the lives of our children and families, and those of our surrounding community members? What more should I be doing?
I’m also acutely aware of my privilege, and thus have been trying to learn as much as I can about inclusive education practice. Through that ongoing research, a friend shared with me the experience of a non-binary activist named Rain Dove who spent much of early adulthood homeless before beginning work in modeling and activism. Rain regularly posts text exchanges with people who attack them with terrific anger and violence. Rain responds with what I can only describe as relentless kindness. No matter the vehemence, Rain responds with empathy and curiosity by asking questions, assuming positivity, and embracing the person with love. Often these exchanges result in a dramatic turnaround.
It has captivated me to read these exchanges. It’s not only enlightening and impactful to metaphorically step into another person’s shoes and learn about their experience, but also for me is the strong reminder about the importance of kindness, curiosity, patience, and empathy no matter what.
Of course, my thinking here is not new—these are not “original thoughts” as my 12th grade English teacher challenged me to create—but these reminders are profound. Lately, I find myself desperate for positive stories, for glimpses of hope and the best of our humanity. In discussing with a friend, she brought my reflections to Nelson Mandela, who of course treated his oppressors with relentless empathy. He wrote, “No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”
This concept of relentless kindness is a challenge. I can hold it up as a virtue, but can I attain it myself? If faced with such bigotry and hatred, could I respond with love?
I don’t know. I hope so. . . and I am certain I will continue to practice. I think I have been so drawn to our school, and the Montessori method in general, because central to Dr. Montessori’s goals was peace. She truly believed in the promise of education. She wrote in Education and Peace: “An education capable of saving humanity is no small undertaking: it involves the spiritual development of [each person], the enhancement of [one’s] value as an individual, and the preparation of young people to understand the times in which they live.”
This morning as we were listening to Meryl Streep’s liquid voice narrate Charlotte’s Web, I heard the following exchange between Wilbur and Charlotte:
“Why did you do all this for me?' Wilbur asked. 'I don't deserve it. I've never done anything for you.'
'You have been my friend,' replied Charlotte. 'That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life can't help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that.”
And so, my friends, I promise to keep working on building an environment here of relentless kindness, and where we teach children the power of inclusivity, of helping others, of empathy and curiosity, with the goal of helping lift all of our lives up “a trifle.”
Warmest regards,
Susanna
A communication to parents written by Susanna Thompson, Head of School